What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi.If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7-8-9.What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A Maybe.How did the student feel when he learned about electricity? Totally shocked.Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? "Dill me in!".How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? A cocker-poodle boo.What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.How does an octopus go into battle? Well-armed.A termite walks into a bar and says, "So, is the bar tender here?".Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he had a great fall.I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!.How did the pig get to the hogspital? In a hambulance.What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.Why didn't the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!.What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom. ![]() What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner's on me.Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch cold.I wanted to buy some camo pants but couldn't find any.What kind of candy do astronauts like? Mars bars.What's an egg's favorite vacation spot? New Yolk City.Why couldn't the sunflower ride its bike? It lost its petals.What did the dirt say to the rain? If you keep this up, my name will be mud!.Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken.Let's be honest, I'm not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either. I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I forgot the punch line.What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain.Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! Many are one-liners so you can remember them to share and share again, and your kids can retell them to their friends too, maybe even years later. But, deep down, if we are honest, who doesn't smile at corny jokes? Others might even make you laugh so hard you cry, so don't say we didn't warn you. Get ready: Some of what's to come is quite punny. In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got dad jokes, jokes for kiddos, mom jokes, and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room (be sure to bookmark our April Fool's jokes for next year!) ![]() And you don't have to worry about these being clean: All of our favorite jokes are fit for kids and adults. ![]() You'll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they least expect it. Looking for more cheap gift ideas? Check out our guides to the best Christmas gifts under $20 and the best holiday presents under $10.Need a laugh? We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. (Did someone say pizza blanket?!)Īnd don't forget the finishing touch - these gifts for people with a sense of humor pair well with a Christmas joke or funny funny holiday greeting written in the accompanying card. Some even serve useful and practical purposes, making them a win-win! And while the majority of these picks are for adults, we've also included a few ideas that work well as gifts for kids, too. Of course, a good novelty gift should make your friends and family members burst into laughter upon opening it, but you also want it to be affordable, which is why the majority of the holiday presents on this list are under $30. If you've waited until the last minute to find a hilarious gag gift, no worries - we got you! Here, we've rounded up all kinds of funny Christmas gifts that will leave everyone on your holiday gift list in stitches, from your coworkers to your jokester Dad. The holidays are upon us, which means it's time for Dirty Santa gift exchanges and White Elephant swaps.
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